Last night I went and saw Newcastle at the cinema. I'll tell you about the filmic experience in two parts - the first has nothing to do with the actual film and the second probably won't either*...

Part I - I am a LOSER!
I live by myself in a city that I have only this year moved to. I don't really know anyone, and I'm not exactly a party girl, so mostly my nights are spent at home making dinners for one and counting the minutes until CSI: Las Vegas comes on. I'm pretty over it to be honest - I'm great company and everything but even I can get sick of my own jokes after a while!

So last night I thought I'd take myself out in public and watch a film at a big cinema and, basically, not be on my own. So I drove the 20 mins to the ENORMOUS cinema complex across town and lined up to buy a ticket. There were people everywhere.

Me: 'One ticket to Newcastle please'

Ticket nerd: 'Sure... oh! You're the only person to have bought a ticket to see that! Enjoy the film!'

And it was true. I sat, alone, at an early evening showing of the film without one other person even entering the cinema. Can you believe it!?

It's official - I'm a loser

Part II - The film
Beautifully shot, edited and clearly a labour of love, the film was great, but one thing struck me more than anything else...

What an amazing looking cast!

Umm, where did you find these people, because this is just insane. The four cookie-cutter blonde lead boys were all ridiculously fit, young, beautiful and healthy (and blonde! Apparently nice-guy surfers are blond and bad-guy surfers are brunette), and proved that Mattel really did get it right when they dumped Ken and re-fitted Barbie with a new Australian surfer boyfriend.

In fact, I just went through and did some research and I think that I have found some of the scenes from the film...

The male cast

Party scene

Awww, aren't they cute!

Yep, with someone for everyone, that was one insanely attractive group of boys and girls.

Ok, ok, the film was really great, even if it was more than a little formulaic - a coming of age film about a working class kid who is negotiating his individuality and masculinity through strained family relationships but he comes good and is supported by his mates after a fatal accident that happened on a sneaky trip away (where he got laid with a hot chick) and he blames himself for the whole thing but it ultimately brings him closer to his family and to his dreams. You know the score. And I don't know if it was the dimples, tanned skin or the bare arses, but I was sucked into the story, suspending my disbelief until the drive home.

The shots in the water were really beautiful and looked different than the usual surf film footage that I've seen. It made me realise that other underwater shots tend to use the water like a filter for the camera lens or another angle to shoot a surfer on a wave, while this film was really filming the water too, lingering under the surface and entering that other space and time. Maybe the water is something that we forget in filming surfing or that we take for granted? I don't know about you, but my friends and I are always discussing the water itself - it's clear, crystal, glass, soupy, dirty, sharky, soft, warm and cold. As I wait between sets I run my fingers through it and splash it and fall into it and lie under its weight. And that's what I saw in this film. The weight of the water, the movement and the importance of water to surfing.

And I liked that surfing was fun for these boys. It was fun and competitive and shared and dropped in on and argued and fought and not in any way simple, but it wasn't represented as man against nature or anything impressive or significant. It was just surfing. And a way to spend time with your friends.

So, let me wrap this up because it's no secret that I could go on all day! here's a few things that I learned last night...

1. Blondes are good, brunettes must always be approached with suspicion - they could be evil or gay!
2. Girls don't surf. They don't want to, nor should you offer to teach them. Teach the purple-haired, white-chested, gay boys before you teach the girls - bros before hos etc etc. Girls lie on the beach in bikinis and talk about how 'big' their last night's conquest was.
3. Surfer boys get nude. A lot. A LOT! It's the way they show they love each other.
4. All guys use the same lines to try get you to sleep with them - "but I want to... I really like you...I'll pull out".
5. On an empty island with kilometres of coast, newcomers will always find you and paddle out to the same peak.
6. You can have a 'surf-off' in the same way that breakdancers have those dance battles. Just make sure that there are some distinguishing features eg. Blondes vs Brunettes.

Mostly, I am just jealous. I'm jealous of their beauty, their easy sexualities, their homes near the beach and their trip away.

* For a much more informative discussion than mine - and for wonderful film reviews in general - go here


  1. This made me laugh!! All the way to the multiplex and still alone in a cinema... xxx

  2. I saw this this movie with my flatmate....there were only 5 people in the'd think attending a movie in the city of its namesake there would be more people in the cinema, any hoo...i was a little unnerved by the amount of young mens naked bums....not that i have a problem with that, just not sure whether it was totally keeps getting touted as a 'gay' film...but i officially love this city more after seeing it...I like Barry Ottos response after his grandson says "I gotta get out of this shithole....."
    he says " I'm not sure about your definition of a shithole!" I also have a major crush on his older brother...YUM xxx


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