For Stu

With a beam of sunlight burning across my chest, I wake up late. My alarm didn't go off and now I am an hour late to meet Sarah. She's going to be pissed.


A quick check of my phone confirms this with one missed call and four texts sitting there waiting for me.

I pull on yesterday's clothes, clean my teeth and gulp a glass of water before lugging my board out and angling it into my car. Get in there!! Why is everything so hard when you're in a rush?

On the way to the beach I get stuck behind someone driving ten under the speed limit, which is simply frustrating. As we round the headland I can see the swell... if that's what you could call it. It's small and lumpy and the wind is already picking up.

Damn it!

I follow the slow driver all the way to the beach, where they take the last available parking space, leaving me to drive back up the top of the hill, to park and walk back down. Stupid morning joggers. I didn't even check to see if Sarah's car is there.


I decide to double check it first. I'm not going out if it's too shit. When I get there, Andy is sitting on a tree trunk, surveying the mess. He gives me his assessment as I walk up,

Don't bother. Turn around now and go back to bed!

Andy only goes out if it's particularly nice, and even then he usually complains about it so I don't put too much stock in his report. But he's right. It's shit. There's a few people out, but I can't see Sarah,

She left about 20 minutes ago. She was bitching about you sleeping in.


Maybe around the corner?

I trudge back up the hill, sweating in the already hot morning. I jump back in the car and decide to check around the corner...

It's crap. And the wind is picking up. I don't even get out of my car. My phone rings and it's Bec,

Where are you? I'm looking at it now and I'm gonna go out. Come on!

Seriously? But it's shit!

I know, but it's hot and the water's nice and the wind is only going to get worse and it is supposed to blow like this for a few days so we might as well go out now!

But it's shit.

It'll be ok. We can just go for a paddle. And then coffee. Come ON!!

Pain in the arse. She's too positive. It shits me. Well, she's too positive til someone pisses her off, and then it's game on. Snake the girl and check the positivity then.

I drive back around to meet her and manage to find a park this time. She's already changed into some bright-coloured, frilly pair of swimmers that she owns. Smiling. It's too early for this. And I really don't want to go out.

We'll just go out for a little while. You'll be stoked you did it later.

She walks off, board on her head, smiling. I take my time and consider leaving for that coffee. This is lame. Bec is so lame. She'll pretty much go out in anything. Screw this, I'm out of here, I'll meet her after. I leave a note on her windscreen telling her to call me when she's done. She can tell me how 'great' it was over coffee...


  1. Well Bec, I'm sitting here grinning madly as the effects of my second coffee take hold. Geez it's been a good morning, sitting here in the cafe, chatting, reading Proust and Joyce (as I am want to do) and improving my mind. I couldn't imagine anywhere I'd rather be, especially not with the surf being so terribly bad!

    But anyway enough prattling about me, I'm dying to know: what was it like?

    Shit I bet.

    Probably cold too.

    I even saw a few blueys on the high tide mark. Get stung by any of them?

  2. well I would have been there with bec for sure. The worst day surfing beats the best day working.

  3. Thanks Brett!

    And as for you Stuart... It was grand out there thank you very much. And considering that I got to get in the water AND catch up on my own coffee-drinking, chatting, Joyce reading, and mind-improving after I came in, I feel as though I strike a blow for shitty surfs!

    Anyway, I've got to go... It's 1 foot, junky and onshore again!! Yippeeeeeeeee!


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